What if I told you you have thousands of bank accounts, some overflowing with money and some in debt. No, these are not real life bank accounts, but invisible ones. Something Sean Covey, the author of the 7 habits of highly effective teens, calls an RBA or a relationship bank account.

An RBA symbolizes the relationships between you and any person you interact with. Every time to talk to someone, do something to someone, etc you are either making a deposit into your shared RBA or you are making a withdrawal. All ultimately leading to a positive or negative relationship with that person.

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens is a self improvement book created for teens. It highlights 7 habits that are the key to a successful life.

Tyler and Tryouts

We were assigned with creating a short video that displays habits 4 – 6 of the book. My group member (see Julia’s perspective on this project in her blog) and I created a video about a girl named Tyler who is going into football tryouts and does some actions that are not very effective. What will happen to her?? Watch it here:

Habits 4 – 6

If you haven’t read out my last blog post, check it out and read about the first 3 habits. The next 3 habits all connect to RBA’s. Habit 4: Think Win Win, Habit 5: Seek first to understand, then to be understood and Habit 6: Synergize.

Habit 4: Think Win Win

What is it?

Think win win is when you seek mutual benefit in situations you are faced with. It means you believe that everyone can win and that one persons success does not require another’s failure. Thinking win win does not include any competition or comparison.

My Experience

Thinking win win is a struggle for me. I have perfectionism which requires me to have everything in my life up to my standard of perfect, including my relationships with people. When someone creates or does something better than me, or has a better relationship with someone than me, I tend to compare myself. I turn all our interactions into a competition which is very much a Win Lose attitude, and makes several withdrawals into my RBA’s.  

How Will I Improve in Order to Think Win Win? 

going forwards in the future I need to I start by recognizing when my perfectionism and comparisons are taking over. When that happens I need to take a break to reset my mindset. I need to practice celebrating other peoples strengths and benefiting off of them by learning from them. I need to be supportive, and create more collaborative interactions that benefit all people around me.

Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood

What is it?

Seeking first to understand then to be understood is all about listening. Sean Covey says ‘you have to ears and one mouth for a reason’. People need to be heard before they are ready to listen. The book talks about different ways of effective listening, these are ways to make people feel listened to. 

My Experience

I believe I am not that bad of a listener. I know what it is like to feel not heard and I always try my best to nod along when having a conversation. This book taught me more skills on how to listen even more genuinely, for example listening with your eyes, ears, and heart, and repeating back what thy were saying in your own words to show understanding. Something I don’t do the best is stretching my listening further, I dont search for opportunities to hear people. 

How Will I Improve in Order to Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood

Going forwards I am going to practice my listening skills by going out of my way and finding opportunities to listen. For example, when my parents get home from work I am going to ask them how their day was, I am going to make them feel heard, and ask follow up questions to show that I care.

Habit 6: Synergize 

What is it?

 

Synergy is all about collaboration. It means you work together with people in order to create a better outcome then you could do alone. Synergizing means you embrace differences and utilize other peoples talents. It does not mean you do everything alone and only think your way is the right way.

My Experience

This habit is probably the most important habit for me to learn. I have a huge problem with trusting my peers with doing work up to my standards. During group projects I usually take on all of the work because I think that only my way is the best way.

How Will I Improve in Order to Synergize?

When I am working with a group or a team I need to work on genuinely listening to their ideas without immediately throwing them away. Rather than taking all of the work myself I will work on spreading it out. I will give the work that I can do the best to myself, and spread out the other work to my peers in a way that best suits their strong areas. That way we all can do something we are good at and work together to create the best outcome possible.

Conclusion

Thinking win win seeking first to understand then to be understood, and synergizing are  3 very important habits that will help me have overflowing RBA’s. In order to follow them I need to celebrate other peoples strengths and benefit off of them by learning from them. I need to be supportive, and create more collaborative interactions that benefit all people around me. I need to go out of my way and seek ways to listen to people (ask my parents about their day). Lastly I need to listen to my pers ideas and embrace them rather than throwing them away. If I do all of these things I will be well on my way to becoming a highly effective person.