User Guide: Schombing

 Brand: Student

Model: Dylan Schombing, iOS 1.3                                         


Product Guide

Congratulations on you new student, Schombing 1.3, commonly referred to as “Dylan”. Your new student’s functions include, but are not limited to:

Enjoyment of learning new things

Enjoyment of everything and anything involving film and/or T.V.

Capability to provide random facts with or without being prompted

Being brutally honest

The occasional (good natured) sarcastic comment


Getting Started

Before you access your Schombing 1.3, be sure you are running CommonDecency.exe, or your Schombing 1.3 will not respond pleasantly.



Schombing 1.3 is easily accessible at most times of the day. After school, you can reach Schombing 1.3 on iMessage. Schombing 1.3 usually responds within an hour if he is not busy. If your Schombing 1.3 is not answering his phone, you can get his attention by yelling “Dylan!!!” In his general direction, but please refrain from that unless it is absolutely necessary. Due to a recent glitch, Schombing 1.3 will automatically delete CommonDecency.exe if you continually try to get his attention by yelling his name in a rude fashion. If your Schombing 1.3 asks you to stop yelling his name and you continue, he could activate stopnowortherewillbemajorconcequences.TXT. If this is activated, the only way to reinstall CommonDecency.exe is to activate apology.TXT.



Schombing 1.3 has two major settings. Student and Normal Person.

Setting 1: Student

Schombing 1.3 is set to student mode between the hours of 8:30am – 3:00pm. If you install homework.TXT onto your Schombing 1.3, student mode can go to up to 8:00pm

Setting 2: Normal Person

Schombing 1.3 is usually set to normal person mode from 3:00pm to 7:00am, and is also set to Normal Person mode on weekends. On Normal Person mode, Schombing 1.3 is much more relaxed.



This device may be prone to:


Unnecessary tangents about unrelated topics






CommonDecency.exe has been uninstalled

Install apology.exe


Provide your Schombing 1.3 with a cup of coffee and/or some food

You are unable you reach your Schombing 1.3 through iMessage

Approach your Schombing 1.3 in person

Your Schombing 1.3 is unable to focus

Politely ask your Schombing 1.3 to focus and/or uninstall distraction.exe from your Schombing 1.3’s software.


Tips To Maintain Optimal Performance

  • Be interesting 
  • Make sure you are running CommonDecency.exe before interacting with your Schombing 1.3