Before you say anything, yes, I know it’s called an MPoL.
At this point in my academic “career”, I have learned a lot about myself. Like, a lot. As I am looking back at my MPoL post from last year, I can see how far I have grown.
My goal last January was to learn. I know that sounds simple, but I wanted to learn, and take that learning, apply it to my work, and be prouder of what I have presented. I wanted to create work that I will show for the rest of my life as an example of who I am as a learner and a person.
The second half of last year changed my life; academically, mentally, and emotionally. I can distinctly identify the exact moment of time at Loon Lake that I realized that I was actually okay with not being perfect at every single thing that I do. I can remember bonding with some of the most incredible people that I have met this summer and at the beginning of Grade 11, and not constantly worrying about how people are perceiving me.
In my TPoL last year, I talked a lot about my issues with perfectionism. I have a bit of a problem with perfectionism. If I have the ability to go above and beyond on something, I most likely will. I like to know that I did the most work that I could do in order to make something great. While this has lead to some quite good work over the years, it has also lead to a not very healthy or sustainable work-life-school relationship. I have really realized that this year. Grade 11 is tough. It’s mentally and academically gruelling, and having a job, multiple extracurriculars, and outside pressures has all combined to be one big mess of stress (poem!).
In the Manhattan Project Project, I experienced failure.
I’m not going to deny that. I am still proud of my speech and my writing, but I am not proud of my delivery. I have come to the conclusion that if I didn’t mess up on my speech, I genuinely don’t think that I would have taken a risk with this. My speech could have gone so many different ways, however, it didn’t go in the exact way that I wanted it to. I don’t feel that I showed my best work with my speech. If I could do it again, I 10000% would. But I am also glad that I messed up. I am glad that I know that I have room to grow. I am glad that I can allow myself to view what could be a fail as just that, a First Attempt in Learning.
I also want to show personal growth, particularly in regards to my relationship with work and failure. When we were in Loon Lake last year, my little bit of (infamous) failure taught me so much about how I view failure, and in retrospect, how damaging my relationship with failure is to my own mental state, as well as how it prohibits me from taking some really cool risks with my learning.
Being in Loon Lake also taught me about the Seven Habits. I still use these to this day, and I feel like the slight indoctrination of these habits that we experienced has left my brain with an imprint of effectiveness.
I don’t want to drive myself and the people around me crazy. I don’t want to stay up wildly late trying to make everything perfect. I want to create stronger and better work habits that allow me to create a higher standard of work than I have been, while also allowing my brain to accept failure.
I have been in PLP for three years now, and I like learning. I am determined and excited to produce work that I can see evidence of, not only myself and what I can bring to different assignments, but clear corroborations of my growth as a learner. This is what I love to do.
I genuinely want to feel like I have accomplished strong work that shows who I am and who I want to become.